Sideline Chatter: Every professor has heard the old apology for the lacrosse bus fire

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The “dog-ate-my-homework” excuse just found its equivalent.

The Montana State Lacrosse team’s bus returning from North Dakota games burst into flames on I-90 west of Billings, and let’s just say some players — all of whom escaped before the bus was completely engulfed — had a damn good alibi ready class.

“We got most of our lacrosse gear off the bus,” midfielder Billy Diffley told Billings’ KBZK-TV. “We didn’t get our computers, schoolwork or anything like that.”

headlines

• At the TheOnion.com: “Climate report shows Antarctica could support multiple golf courses by 2050.”

• At the Fark.com: “Three NFL teams are keen to say they are interested in signing Colin Kaepernick.”

Thumb is the word

The University of Denver defeated Minnesota State 5-1 to secure their ninth NCAA Division I men’s hockey championship.

Team motto for next year: Win One For The Other Thumb.

False advertising

Kiara Thomas was arrested in Laurel, Mississippi, and charged with assault for hitting a referee at a 12-year-old girl’s softball game, WLBT-TV reported.

The capper? In her mugshot, Thomas is rocking a Mother of the Year t-shirt.

hit parade

LSU outfielder Gavin Dugas has been hit by a pitch 13 times in his first 103 plate appearances this season.

Twins scouts love him and say he would be perfect for Target Field.

Get a whiff of it

Chiba Lotte Marines pitching phenom Roki Sasaki, 20, recorded 13 straight strikeouts — and 19 overall — as he threw the first perfect game since 1994 in Nippon Professional Baseball, Japan’s top professional league.

The team’s ticket office was immediately swamped — and that was only by MLB scouts.

Expensive club department

Todd Brock, a Houston private equity investor, sold Tiger Woods’ Titleist 681-T iron set from his 2000-01 Tiger Slam for $5,156,162 at Golden Age Auctions, a golf memorabilia record.

This is called getting to the green.

Not minimum wage

Jrue Holiday triggered a $306,000 bonus when he appeared in his 67th game – playing a full 8 seconds in the Bucks’ regular season finale.

Which works out to a tidy $136.8 million an hour.

Where have you gone Iron Man?

Just five NBA players played in each of their team’s games this season, an all-time low.

AC Green’s record of 1,192 consecutive games played looks set.

There is no free drop for this

What, that’s a way to end up in a bunker.

Nathan Nelson, who stole and resold at least 63 golf carts in seven states, has been sentenced to two years in prison.

It hurts so good

The Blue Jays’ Vladimir Guerrero Jr. hit a homer in the first inning, suffered a two ring finger pricks in the second, and then returned to hit two more homers and a double in a 6-4 win over the Yankees.

And you called in sick to work with a hangover?

Incidentally heard

The sale of the $518,000 football that was thrown for Tom Brady’s “final” NFL touchdown pass – which went down in value when Brady changed his mind about retiring – was voided by mutual consent between the parties .

In short, it was declared incomplete.

talking the talking

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, after free agent QB Cam Newton said he wants women to start cooking again, be quiet and let men lead: “In related news, Newton just bought his significant other a new butter churn for her birthday.”

• Goads Lonnie Walker, future free agent, to reporters by saying he’s going on vacation and won’t be glued to his phone: “I’m definitely throwing it in the ocean. Maybe you’ll get a call from a goldfish.”

Pass Ben-Gay

A group of 40 hockey players hosted a 261-hour charity game in Chestermere, Alberta from March 31 to April 11, breaking the Guinness World Record of 252 hours and raising about $1 million for the Alberta Children’s Hospital Foundation.

you want sore As organizer and team captain Alex Halat told the Calgary Herald, “Guys have discovered body parts they didn’t even know they had.”

quotation marks

• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, after an animal rights activist tried to tape herself to the floor during Tuesday’s NBA play-in game in Minneapolis: “So, for those of you who’ve been wondering all these years, now you know You why call it Crazy Glue.”

• Janice Hough from LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, the start of the NBA playoffs last Tuesday: “So we only have two months and a week until a possible NBA Finals Game 7.”

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, tweeting in the tub for Nebraska’s spring game: “This is your last chance to see a lot of Husker stars before they hit the transfer portal.”

• KRKO Radio’s Tim Hunter on Dodgers catcher Will Smith: “How hard is it going to be for the Dodgers announcers not to say on his next home run, ‘He just hit it out of the park!’?”

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